The Dirt is Turning - Fall is Here!

Wow.  Sorry for such a long delay between posts.  I was actually home for an unexpected visit for 3 weeks and upon my return, promptly was brought to my knees by some super-bug-flu-cold.  Welcome back to Afghanistan! 

Since I've been gone, and then returned, I've noticed quite a few changes around this place.  The Taliban, for instance, apparently have a little bee on their bonnet lately.  They have been shelling the base on a pretty consistent and frequent basis which then results in us bombing the bejesus out of them all night.  Nothing too out of the ordinary but not much fun while thrashing around feverishly in my bed for days while the rocket sirens went off continuously all day and night - I didn't really even give a damn as I was that sick.  It's also now only reaching a high in the 80s-90s which means...fall is approaching!  The only noticeable difference, since there are no trees here, is that the sky is actually blue again as opposed to the continual beige it had been during the summer.   Change! ... is a-happenin' in the military personnel we are attached to - lots of new and shiny faces with no idea who these old grizzled geezers are in the planning tent.  The best part is that we are finally senior and the only people who actually know how to navigate the minefield of military planning and all it's associated bullshit.  It will be sad to watch the enthusiasm and eagerness slowly seep out of their young little faces ... draining the hopes and dreams of a productive first deployment from their little consciousnesseseses. This new batch is very green which means it will initially be much more frustrating for everyone else.  The worst part is that the team I worked with since being here is leaving and that was a group of some of the funniest young guys I have had the good fortune to encounter in some time.  Now that they are about to leave, I can let a little more of my own special brand of humor seep to the surface as a parting gift.  They have been very disappointed that I had not shared this unique and jaw dropping side of me much sooner, but they are young and I did not want to harm them.

Unfortunately, many things haven't changed - the primary one being that Karzai is still the proverbial poop stain in the American underpants that is Afghan policy.  What a corrupt, selfish and totally unaccountable government he oversees.  We still aren't allowed to have alcohol (thanks alot Petraeus) - although I did here of a German post in NW Afghanistan where they are allowed two beers a day.  Must. Get. There... And this is still a toxic and noxious place although not as bad when it's cooler because it makes a huge difference when the dirty air isn't plastered all over your sweaty skin.  So I'm no longer feeling like I'm wearing this place, rather just exiting within it at this point.  I believe the Afghan elections are in the next couple of days as well.  Thankfully, they have none of the televised campaign commercials that we are assaulted with at home - had the misfortune of having to experience those while on my visit and I can't say that I miss them much... I am terribly curious as to how Afghan candidates promote themselves but since I don't believe it's a process even close to diplomatic, I find I don't really care in the end.

So my trip home was excellent and exactly what I needed.  I am extremely fortunate with the family and friends I have in my life and none of them has a clue as to how much seeing each of them helped - and continues to help - me.  I returned in a very settled state of mind which I needed desperately and also with some great and very recent good-timey memories!  Now I'm back here and feel more like myself again.  4 more months on this contract and then if I sign up for another year - a prospect which is kind of hard to swallow at times - it will seem more voluntary somehow after having one already under my belt.  I still have some interesting job prospects in play but at this point understand that those agencies I am striving to become part of have nothing but time so I need to gather some patience.  In the meantime, I hope to convince one of these stray cats in our compound to become my companion and special human friend.  I even have a name picked out for my future mouser - Quick Paws McGraw - as you may have guessed by now, I favor titles and themes over actual names when it comes to pets.  I will have to work some Svengali-esque magic to convince an adolescent and feral kitty cat that this union makes sense - you all will be the first to know if I can actually make it happen! 

I am determined to enjoy my favorite things about the fall to the best of my ability from here - there will be no getting around experiencing an actual Oktoberfest, Pumpkin Festivals, homemade chili or beef and noodles, but I did join a Fantasy Football League which has so far been interesting - I can't see the games but rather only read about them after there are over.  I also have crappy internet so research is limited and the work computer blocks my FF site, but attempting to do it still makes me happy!!  We are trying to create an area in our compound where we can at least stand around a fire barrel like a bunch of bums or lounge in our camping chairs by firelight - we are all very excited about the fall and won't miss the 120 degree highs of the summer much at all.  It will be a Kentucky fall in my heart and mind even if it doesn't remotely resemble it here!  Hopefully the internet will continue to be forgiving and allow me to post more regularly.  Until then, Happy Yom Kippur, Jewbilee and the rest of you gentiles have a wonderful weekend!


Drink of the night:  Chai Tea Latte ... in a smoking jacket with one pinkie up

Half-way point.

Well, it's been many days since I've been able to post.  This was due to a combination of trips off the base and very poor internet access.  Made worse by the fact that I cannot even mention where and what I'm working on at this point because of security clearance issues, etc.  So, in sum, I'm doing quite a bit but can't say anything about it.  Other than a group suicide bomber attack on the base earlier this week, combined with a few hairy helicopter rides, there has not been much to report!  My next vacation is too far off to even entertain the thought of being excited about it, so I'm in a quandary over what to write.  I have hit the halfway point here according to the computer program, "Donut of Misery" that a co-worker sent to me.  You can plug important dates into the program and the "Donut" graph tells you how long you've been here and how much longer until you next anticipated date.  Both my end of contract and next vacation donuts are not in stages that offer much excitement - it's purgatory for me and I had no idea how dusty and hot purgatory could be.  It's actually starting to become quite humid as the rainy season approaches.  Any change to hot and dusty would be nice - maybe hot, rainy, muggy and muddy is on it's way.  The only reprieve from my own personal angst and boredom that usually accompanies my being in the middle of something is that some of my favorite fellow co-horts have recently returned from their vacations.  There are several of us now sharing in the post-vacation gloom, impatience and systemic shock from being back here after a nice relaxing break.  At least I'm in good company.

I spend much of my free-time filling out horrifically detailed on-line applications in an attempt to land one of a few coveted positions with some select Federal Agencies and/or the organizations they fund.  I am very interested in the democracy and governance programs underway over here and throughout the world, with crisis stabilization coming in as a tie for my attention.  The more experienced and tenured contractors over here have advised starting the job search at the 6 month point of your current contract.  I like what I'm doing, but there are far more interesting things to do over here that could lead to even more intriguing work in other countries.  Time will tell, but it's basically my second job.  It takes so long to apply to one of these postings in a normal setting, but then adding slow and sporadic internet connectivity makes it nearly a nightmare.  I am often dropped from my connection which then results in the loss of anything that wasn't saved so I continually fill out the same application repeatedly.  Very frustrating...  I just keep trying and will wait to see what the future holds.  I'm getting several nibbles but haven't progressed in any interview process far enough yet to even guess at an outcome.  I will say that my impression so far, based on the current employees I've met and the biographies of the area and country directors, is that I will have to compete with a very tough "pedigree" of individuals - there's no Harvard or MIT on my CV, nor is there an abundance of foreign languages - unless they count eubonics or hillbilly .  If I am able to gain access to one of these coveted positions - with no political or ambassadorial ambitions - then I will count myself lucky and will just check it off to tenacity and making-your-own-luck ... and being over 40 which creates an air of confidence I've earned and was missing 10 years ago.  We'll see, we'll see ... I'd be just as happy to be at home too - for a variety of totally different reasons!

So, I hope August is starting off well for all of you!  The NFL season is just around the corner and I am still trying to figure out how to enjoy it from here - that's a goal that is certainly worth the effort!  The Bengals signed T.O. and I'm not even around to enjoy the circus that is certain to ensue...  The fall without pumpkins, outdoor festivals, draft beer, changing leaves and football will be daunting for me - it's my favorite time of year.  I'm sure I will survive and will just have to live vicariously through the rest of you.  Until then!

Drink of the Night - hot Chai tea!

Two for the Show...

First week back to work from any vacation is less than stellar, but first the week back here has been a combination of environmental assault, total boredom and yearning for all things green!  Coming back wasn't all that bad barring the minor discomfort of finding myself outside of the wire and temporarily not able to get back in.  However, my lungs, eyes and nasal passages are fighting every minute of it!  It's been so bad here that the sun wasn't even visible for the last four days.  Simply nasty weather in a nasty place and I had become rather fond of moisture in the air during my two week reprieve.  I fear my ongoing daily confrontation with my Kleenex as it holds the horrors of Afghanistan!  Body fluids aside, I am really missing the freedom to roam and of course the beautiful beaches, but that was to be expected.  Other than that, I have been incredibly bored, impatient and restless all week as I get settled back into my routine.  Fortunately, as is typical, it's all picking up quickly and simultaneously of course.  I have had the same trip out cancelled all week due to weather and it's finally leaving tomorrow morning for a quick day trip - to be followed by a about a week long venture out after that - to a place that I hope has more to offer now than port-a-johns.  We'll see if my planning efforts have paid off, as the idea of a port-a-john in 115 degree heat doesn't seem too appealing - but they have an abundance of ice cream there!  I need to get out of here soon before I develop any significant apprehension about flying - I haven't been out of here (except for vacation) for weeks and it's been long enough to make me paranoid about flying being that it's become so "active" over here this summer.  I'll get over it.

Big news!  A very good friend finally had her twins last week - I still can't believe it!  When I left, she was barely showing so it's strange to think of her with two little infants now.  She and her significant other will be excellent parental units and I'd like to extend a hearty congratulations to them!  That's double the poo and spit up, but it couldn't happen to better people.  Can't wait to meet the little guys either!  It's a child army.  Babies... I missed the maternal chip when they were handing those out and find them kind of scary.  I prefer them old enough to tell me what they need or at least point and scream - I still do that now and its pretty effective.  I do enjoy being an Aunt but have to be very careful of not being too much of myself around the childrenz - I have developed a second language so that my family and friends still will allow my around their offspring.  "that's a bunch of shittake" "sweet baby goats"  "Fred and Ethel!" all originate from much more sinister and inappropriate terminology, but you do what you have to do - the sacrifices I make for those kids - it's a pain in my "hoo hah".

I hear it's extremely hot and muggy back in the states - like forearm sweaty muggy!  Nasty stuff, but I still might consider that a trade up from here.  Close though - it stinks when it's too hot to even enjoy being outside.  I miss outside, on the river, with friends and icy beverages!  Happy Birthday to Kim and Lisa who are in the midst of birthday season!  Enjoy the Haufbrau and have one for me!  This has been one of the most boring posts yet, but I promise more blood and guts next time!

Drink of the Night - Rootbeer!

Back in Afghanistinkistan!

After much consideration of the repercussions related to not returning from Thailand, I reluctantly decided to come back to the ol' stink hole.  What a wonderful and relaxing two weeks - the best part was that it felt like a month and that's exactly how long I want a two week vacation to feel.  Really amazing place and we were fortunate to have seen so much of Phuket while still spending a huge amount of time in the pool and at the beach.  Here's a rundown of what we actually did peel ourselves away from lounge chairs to do -  day long yacht trip out to two beautiful and remote little islands to snorkel and walk around, the Jewbilee went to a Thai cooking school for a day, went to see the Big Buddha, elephants and a temple, adventurous night in Patong, hit two different beaches, did a beach BBQ and just a lot of strolling around, cocktails, eating and swimming.   I now fear I look like Buddha, but with hair. We saw many prostitutes and questionables while there and tons of fat, white old men which made me feel badly for the prostitutes.  The most interesting situation to witness were these fat old guys, or generally unattractive men, on dates or entertaining Thai "girlfriends".  Some of the women seemed engaged, but many sat around, scowled, played on their iPhones, etc.  How could that be any fun for either party?  But it was everywhere and we were thoroughly entertained by it.

We both arrived to each of our destinations safely and are preparing to once again be ensconced in our respective routines.  I had heard many speak of typical Dubai Arabs as the most rude, arrogant and nasty people around and I have to say that after two trips through Dubai, I would agree - I'd like to add that they have more children than old school Catholics (non of which are expected to behave) and are all around jackasses.  My flight from Dubai had about 70 screaming offspring of these people and about 50 on the way back.  They cut in line, ran over your feet with their suitcases, didn't think any of the airline rules applied to them but at least they smelled good!  They make the French look like boisterous, friendly Australians.  I still have the din of screaming kids in my ears.  One thing we learned is that no matter what the culture, all kids whine, run to the toy section, hit their siblings and scream on airplanes - it was truly educational.

The flight to Afghanistan was interesting to say the least.  I took an Afghan airline that landed at KAF but taxied to the Kandahar Airport right outside the wire.  This building was at one time quite regal, but was now bombed out, overgrown and austere.  My passport cleared the country but initially, I was not allowed back on base and was therefore technically an illegal alien.  I sat outside the airport, which meant outside the wire, the lone and unarmed American for about two hours while my friends tried to get me access back onto base.  Initially they wanted me to fly back to where I came from and then back on an airline that flies to, and remains on, KAF.  That would have been a huge pain seeing that there was nowhere to even buy a ticket or make an inquiry at the Kandahar Airport.  Plus I was tired, hot and a bit over this part of my trip. I was finally taken onto base by a British Royal Airforce MP who happened to see me out there and knew I was in potentially huge trouble.  He thankfully had been there on an unrelated issue and that was a huge stroke of luck for me.  Not a fun way to end a beautiful trip, but I'm now officially back and trying to catch up on sleep after a long trip in the comfort of my tent.  Returning wasn't so bad, but I don't have electric on my side of the tent so I'm depending on the kind use of an extension cord and neighbor's electric to power my computer!

Thank you everyone for so many good wishes for enjoyment on my vacation - very nice and greatly appreciated.  Now I will waste away the hours planning for my next one coming up in several months!  It's nice to return and see that half a month has passed too.  It was 115 degrees yesterday and to be even hotter today - I guess August is the hottest month and then things start to become more bearable.  After the heat and humidity in Thailand and Dubai, this doesn't even seem that bad - I guess I could actually live in Vegas year around seeing that now I know I can stand the heat!

Drink of the Day - sadly, back to the universal solvent - cold, cold water.

Chillaxin'!!!

Wow!  Sleep and relaxation have never felt so good.  I am to the bone tired and didn't realize it - no gunfire, bombing or rocket attack sirens at night do a girl good!  So far, this has been a perfect trip and there are MANY more days remaining.  Time is thankfully passing slowly and we don't wear our watches, so we eat, drink, swim and wander whenever we feel like it.  Dubai was amazing but hot and muggy unlike anything I have ever experienced - good for a day though.  Made an exotic purchase of a Samsonite and then some perfume oils that are fabulous and then got on a plane and headed the hell out of there!  Here's a steamy pic of one of the street sculptures and the tallest building in the world from the inside of the largest mall in the world - size complex, maybe?  I ended up in the Dubai airport for many hours waiting for my 11pm flight, then tried to sleep sitting up for six and a half hours - by the time I reached Thailand I was exhausted, but only a 5 hour layover until Phuket!

I absolutely love Thailand.  It's incredible - excellent resorts, but still the soft underbelly of street life that I am so drawn to - tons of ladyboys here which has been interesting.  So different than their counterparts in the states, but since they aren't ostracized here, it creates an obvious difference in demeanor.  The resort we are enjoying this first week is amazing - the villa is 3 stories with a private plunge pool on the top and our own butler.  We are so used to doing grunt work that it's been an adjustment to let someone else cater to your every whim, but I am somehow dealing with it :)  It's incredibly serene, quiet and beautifully landscaped here - every place on the street has gardens, potted plants, little spirit houses and shrines all over AND they burn incense 24-7 here.  I brought a ton with me because I cannot burn it obviously in my tent room and miss it greatly.  I have thrived on it from way back in the day of being 12 and burning my strawberry incense from Spencer's Gifts, while listening to my Rush albums - oh yea, and ELO along with the K-tel mixed albums.  Haven't thought about any of that until arriving here!  This is the lobby of this stunning place - I really can't say enough about it except that we are here off-season and that made it much more affordable!

We lounged by the pool the first night, ordered some delicious grub from the 5-star restaurant here, drank a ton of wine and beer and basically reveled in gluttony!  The pic on the left is one of the lagoon pool areas in the main section and the one on the right is the Jewbilee in the corridor walkway from our swanky residence.  Yesterday we explored the streets and local shops around the resort, swam and floated around in our pool then shaved the legs and were off to the beachfront bar and restaurant which were AMAZING - and they shot off fireworks on the sand.  Lots of menfolk with their Thai dates and you know how much I love what that scene insinuates - seediness!!!  Here's a pic of me before I realized I needed to button up and a pic of the bar.  Boobie alert!  AnyDrunkyMcMurphy ... we ended a fabulous day with an evening swim.

More to come later this week, but count on it being self-indulgent and low-brow!  Of course I would be speaking of me, as my traveling compadre is the pinnacle of self-control and appropriateness - that was, until this trip!  We are truly having a blast and a wonderful time and thank you all for your enthusiasm and well wishes for this much needed vacation!

Drink of the Day - a wine-beer-rum-fruitjuice assortment of beverages!  My liver is in excellent form so far!