The Final Week

Let me tell you, I have had some pretty long days this past week and they will only become longer this upcoming week - my final week working here planning military bases.  Not only has the worked slowed in general - thanks to us being so good at it - but my personal workload is non-existent because I am OUTTA HERE!  On or around the 18th, I out-process at Manas AB in lovely Bishkek and then hopefully can spend a few days in Turkey (or somewhere) before I end up in London where one of my besties has lived for the past two years.  I've never been to either place and much fun awaits in London with a friend I've had since my wild 20s - we were once housemates, then neighbors and then stopped living in packs - I have a whole collection of fun memories with this particular buddy and I cannot wait to see her in her own habitat.  Let me put it this way - neither of us could probably ever run for a political office due to the amount of fun we had in "olden times".  I am very much looking forward to this mini-break before heading back to begin the new position with a totally new company.

As for the new job, as usual I am driving myself crazy wondering what it will be like, where exactly I will live and how I can impact the project in the best possible way.  This has resulted in me being antsy, checked out, impatient (I had visions of homicide this morning watching people not wash their hands before headed into the DFAC - something we are required to do to keep the ick at bay) and lost in the whimsy of upcoming travel adventures.  In short, I cannot wait to get the hell out of here and escape living with a mass of people - the majority who appear to be listless functioning idiots,  or dopey man-childs - for just a little bit.  Seriously, I don't know where the Army did it's most recent recruiting, but they are totally dragging the bottom of the barrel at this point (markedly different than other Army units that seemed just fine in times passed).   Since this most recent group showed up the base is a trash bin, common areas reek of body odor and they seem to have no clue - just shuffling down the middle of the road, throwing their garbage down and apparently unaware of the purpose of showers and deodorant.  I might add, the majority of these people live on, and will never leave, the base - it's not as if they've been out in the field for days, etc.  It's amazing how much your tolerance drops when you are so close to leaving here.

So - the leaving also means packing up my things.  I cannot believe how much I have accumulated in a 8 x 10 foot space, but it's looking like 5 storage boxes and then some random trash bags filled with loose items.  In my defense, things like blankets and pillows are space hogs but coveted at the same time - so are shoes.  I also apparently have another mouse, or seven, being that I found a good deal of mouse droppings which were not present two weeks ago.  That would be explained by the fact that I could have driven a truck over my mousetraps and they still wouldn't have gone off.  They somehow became pretty much stuck in the "set" position and therefore ineffective.  So now I don't even care - they can run all over the place, nuzzle me in my sleep, set up a circus - they are on their own to do as mice will.  One. More. Week. ... of living in a tent.

Well the new job is making me a little nervous at this point - something I just need to get over.  Jitters are common with new positions, but working here adds a whole different dimension - the safety factor or at least perceived safety factor.  While I become pretty used to helicopter rides, errant gunfire and rocket and missile attacks, I will now have to get used to what will most likely be frequent convoys in up-armored Toyotas, foot patrols through my parks and to an occasional village to meet with community leaders, and working off of base with the local Afghan government.  These are all things that literally 1000s of people do throughout Afghanistan on a daily basis and without much concern.  Seriously, there are so many civilians working over here directly with the Afghan people and government - it would amaze you.  So I try to keep that in mind when I consider what I've read in the news reports the past few weeks concerning assassinations of local government officials and the very sad story of the abduction and subsequent murder of the Scottish aid worker from DAI.  I think I am paying way too much attention to things like that and need to get refocused - fear is not your friend here as it can make you react badly to situations you are confronted with on a pretty regular basis.  I have also not been afraid since I arrived here and now is now time to start.  I think most of what is driving this is the new job, the change in duties and who I will be working with.   I know my company is not well served by putting us in extreme danger.   I will also have military escorts or private security and they will most likely greatly reduce our time in the field if things are too dicey - just like they do here as we've all been on a travel ban the past 8 - 10 days because it's getting pretty violent out there.  This new position will simply become my new "normal" and will take some time to adjust - like anything else would. 

Speaking of nastiness and war - there is often an upside to the crazy.  Last night I sat outside on top of a bunker and watched all of the flares being set off to mark positions.  We fired several missiles from base at something and then the jets were just screeching around - fast and low.  The overall effect was simply beautiful and a weird contrast because you knew what was happening but it all looked so choreographed and pretty.  In addition to the stunning night skies we get over here, it was also a crystal clear night so you could see the outlines of the errant desert mountains from the light of the flares.  Just amazingly cool to see.  It's the little things, right?

Well I am hoping that when I wake up tomorrow that I've somehow redeemed myself with my Fantasy Football scores - I have been creamed the last two weeks and need to turn it around.  I'd also like to wish my brother and his wife a Happy 11th Anniversary - their wedding in Key West was a blast!  My niece has a birthday in 11 days and I think the rest of them are having successful school, sport and friend experiences so far this year.  Go kids!  Hope the rest of you all have - or are having - a great weekend!  Can the Bengals redeem themselves after losing to Cleveland last week???

Drink of the Day - Hot Cocoa - it's a brisk 82 here today!

A Special Place in Hell

I just couldn't resist a quick commentary on three people so totally disgusting that I had to create a "special place in hell" post because I can't stop thinking of either situation.  The first involves Pastor Eddie Long, who took such a hateful stance in preaching about the vile nature of homosexuals and how all were condemned to hell is now accused of taking sexual advantage of young men in his parish - after years of grooming them - and convincing them that he was their "spiritual daddy".  Apparently the ticket to heaven involved massages and sex - what an asshole.  Way to use the concept of God as your bully pulpit.

This is yet another "man of God" condemning a way of life that they themselves practice secretly and in a most despicable and predatory manner.  People like Pastor "spiritual daddy" Long add to the prejudice and misinformation that continues to make gays a victim of violence and ridicule and to suffer the denial of basic rights and recognition.

Take candidates #2 and #3 who thought it would be funny to secretly videotape a gay roommate's sexual encounter - who by all accounts was an extremely shy and private person - and then broadcast it on the internet.  They actually tried to do it a second time as well. Tyler Clementi committed suicide three days later.  Why anyone would think something like that was an innocent prank or couldn't possibly end up the way it did is beyond me.  I know that those I mentioned are innocent until proven guilty and that there is more information than what was made available in the news, but I still cannot contain my contempt and total disgust of these three individuals - who, by the way, all appear to be members of minority groups themselves.  You would hope that those who have probably suffered personally from ignorance and prejudice would have the capacity for compassion or at least the restraint from behaving like assholes and hypocrites.

I do not intend to make the Hillbilly Wino blog political, but i was so disgusted as I followed these stories on the news this week that I simply had to mention them.  I also think everyone has the right to their opinions and feelings on the subject - these are simply mine.

Let's hope we don't have to have too many "Special Place in Hell" posts in the future, but in my opinion, these three should get front row seats - in the heated section.

I'm going back to my Sobe water now - Out!

A tree grows in Afghanistinkistan ... and Pomegranates

NYT Article on Arghandab District

Arghandab District

Hello fools!  The Hillbilly is in an extremely good mood this week because I am now officially beginning a new job at the end of the month.  One that appears will be vastly more interesting with a company that does all kinds of things all over the world.  This is a happy moment and I plan on enjoying it!  I am set to begin at the end of October.  Many, many things will change here for me including what I do, where I do it and potentially where I'm living.  If you recall, I currently live in a tent inside the compound where I work which resemble a construction storage yard - our planning team is attached to an engineering and construction Air Force unit, so that's not so shocking but it is dirty and loud.  My tent is also directly under a rocket and attack siren - this all equates to not much sleep and a paralyzing fear of whatever you imagined touched or crawled on you in the middle of the night - and of course there's the mice...  However - cue the Jefferson's theme song - the Wino is "moving on up" to at least a fancy container, with a window and a bath and shower inside the same building - can I get an "Ah-men-nah"- it is Sunday here after all. 

I will be working in the Arghandab District of Kandahar Province assisting them in planning their parks.  I attached a pretty good article I found at the top of the page.  The State Department, USAID and my new company - which is funded by USAID for the projects here - all work basically on the same projects together.  From what I've been told, I will be working with the Afghan District Mayor and local community leaders on this project.  Should be very interesting as they would like me to try to do some minimal economic development within the parks in hope of generating some income to support the maintenance and upkeep.  One of them has a huge pomegranate orchard and a shrine. I really like pomegranates but have never quite mastered eating them.  They get all over the place and are a lot of work for the few seeds that I'm able to get out of it.  I am probably doing it incorrectly - I digress. Apparently there is a river that runs through this region where the Taliban control one side and the parks are on the other.  To date, the Taliban have left the parks alone since so many citizens like to gather there and I'm hoping it stays that way.  I have no idea if I will be expected to wear a burka or cover my head, but "when in Rome..." - I will do whatever lessens my chance of a negative outcome and increases my safety - clothing wise that is.

If I am assigned to work from KAF, I will be living at the lovely Hotel Kandahar pictured here - "Ho" is a key part of the term here because I understand this hotel also does a pretty lively prostitution business - isn't that fantastic!  Anyone who knows me well knows I have a continual fascination with prostitutes and wanted to write my dissertation - which I never did - on research based upon the classification of prostitution hierarchies and using those as neighborhood indicators for redevelopment.  Great idea! Well, I never did that so instead I get to potentially live in a hotel where they apparently do a thriving business.  I will make certain to bring the mattress cover my dear old Mom sent me -  you can count on that!  The hotel is constructed of many RLB containers that have been arranged to form a building and finished out so that they resemble rooms.  I once saw drywall in one and it was pretty nice.  It is also above the Dutch PX which is full of Bose equipment and other fun electronics which have been a weakness of mine for years.  The British compound is around the corner and it's right next the the Afghan Bazaar where I go to purchase my collection of pirated DVDs - so it's pretty much heaven compared to where I am right now.

So it's either living on KAF at the Ho-tel and working right off base at a small ANA(Afghan National Army) compound OR living at Camp Nathan Smith - which I have oddly been planning - in Kandahar City and working at the Arghandab District Offices with the Mayor every day.  I have also included a lovely courtyard picture of CNS which does have a small greenhouse and orchard that the Afghans living there built and maintain - Green Thumbs!

 CNS also happens to be the place where they have a weird little swimming pool that they use to dually enjoy swimming and pump water for the fire station.  We have corrected the smoking and bubbling sewage leak and removed the incinerator that I am convinced also burned bodies while the Taliban had a prison there (previous blog post).  They also have good ice cream and that's a plus.  This is where the Provincial Reconstruction Team (PRT) is also headquartered of which my little project is a weird part.  Apparently in the future, they are planning to rebuild and resettle us back in a private compound within Kandahar City - the last house there blew up (thanks to a truck loaded with explosives) in April and caused everyone to spill their drinks that evening while they were knocked to the ground.  I'm guessing they will greatly improve the compound the next time around so that this little event doesn't repeat itself.  It will only be of interest to me if my new contract is extended or they put me on the PRT team after my contract it complete.  SO! That's all I know at this point, but I'm all about it.

So that's my news!  Other than that, it's Sunday here and I'm enjoying the day.  We had a Commander's Call last night that included a nice cookout and they gave me a very nice send-off which I though was quite cool of them.  I also listened to the new commander's speech which was incredibly motivating. It did remind me that I have been part of something very unique and unusual and that I'm part of making these outpost safe and operational for the missions to succeed.  I'm not so much into the war, but I am into at least supporting those who are here having to deal with this mess - I didn't come here because I was "pro" anything, but now that everyone here is smelling the proverbial "shit" I will at least try to get the stink out.  As for the topic of poo - congrats to my brother and sister-in-law for what sounds like a successful potty training of my nephew - who, I might add, congratulates himself and yells "we did it" after each success (when he's by himself) - then waves good-bye.  A true gentleman in the making.  I have been doubled over laughing reading about it.  On that note, I'm off to enjoy a day of reading and endless DVDs, with a few iPad games thrown in.  I hope everyone has a happy and safe weekend!  Go Bengals and I hope to redeem myself this week in Fantasy Football!

Drink of the Day - the Wino's going to go out and have a milkshake!

Ugly Babies

It's Sunday and therefore a relaxing day off.  This is made much nicer by the fact that it's no longer hot enough to burn the skin off your arms so I am actually tooling around the compound - doing laundry, enjoying a smoke, staring at the dirt, counting flies and killing large ants.  That got boring quickly so I'm back in the tent getting ready to enjoy some movies and a good read - but at least I have options!  They have been doing controlled explosions several times a day lately - every day - and it's getting old.  I think they detonate explosives they find, rockets that hit base and didn't go off and bombs they dropped during training that didn't explode.  They are also close enough to make the tent walls collapse and rattle you to the bone.  I simply don't even think the warning makes any difference - every time one goes off we all clench and jump.  And I wonder why I am so tired all the time...  As for our mission, one of the commanders I work with said that we are squeezing the Taliban "like a zit" around here so our mission is actually working.  This was after he told me that no longer being the Mayor of the FOB he and I were working on was like "watching someone else sleep with your wife" - my all time favorite though was when I heard the FOBs described as "ugly babies" with the "me wants" and that our job was to determine how much plastic surgery they needed - needless to say, I really like this guy and think he's funny as hell.  We truly do focus largely on how to get food into, and the poo out of, these FOBs so I guess they are like babies - big, ugly, nasty, angry babies.

By the way, a FOB Mayor is the big guy in charge of the FOB and runs the show - we work with the FOB Mayors and the senior command of the groups assigned to those FOBs - think National Geographic Channel and specials on rams butting heads to the death during mating season and you'll get some idea of what it's like working with guys at this level.  Thankfully I have retained a sense of humor because it gets quite dicey and not always a place for "nice ladies" during these planning meetings - Precious!

This week has not been too exciting - one helicopter ride out to a FOB, and moving office tents.  It feels like we're waiting for something but nobody can place what that something actually is.  I did enjoy an evening at the boardwalk last night and took in a hockey game, volleyball and rugby while waiting for my future prospective employer to arrive.  Looks like this gal will be planning parks for a few months in the near future and words cannot describe how hopeful I am that all works out with the details of this new contract.  When that is over, they are very certain that there will be other work for me with them here in lovely Afghanistinkistan or elsewhere.  Not only will the work be immensely interesting, but much more broad based so the boredom factor should be greatly reduced.  I have become quite adept at what I'm currently doing, which means I can do it faster and more efficiently - both of those attributes aren't necessarily good things here when you really need to pace yourself to fill the time.  So, my references will FINALLY receive a call (thank you in advance) and then the Hillbilly will be all about the green and tranquility of parks in Afghanistan.  Oh yea, the Wino will also be able to officially enjoy the fermented grape here too with this new position - they do not have to follow the rules that I currently must live by.  I will close this portion of the blog by saying that my interview started with my prospective boss wanting to sit somewhere she could smoke and the first story she told involved her indulging in a gin and tonic and something exploding - she had me at "smoke" and the gin and tonic story just sealed it.  Incredibly interesting person though and she's done some amazing work here, in the Congo and in Nepal - all for the same company.  Needless to say, I am hoping my future career looks like something similar.

Fatus babyus (a new species discovered by the Wino)

Lets see, thanks to my brother I totally kicked butt in points last weekend with Fantasy Football - excellent!  I'm slowly closing in on Team Who Dey, who is owned by my dear friend Mr. Greer - watch your back fella!  It still is strange to not enjoy any football which is my favorite sport that happens to occur during my favorite time of year.  Ms. Washella celebrated a birthday in London on Saturday(I just said that out loud in my best British accent) and another special person in my life turns 50 - yes, that's 50 - on Tuesday! (I used no accent with that one...)  Wow.  They are both older than me and therefore blazing that aging trail and doing it quite well.  Happy early Birthday Jewbilee - I think you will be hung over when you read this after your evening out with that dear gaggle of hags we love so much.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend and hopefully by the next time I post I will have some kind of official word on my new j-o-b!  Still have not been able to lure Quick Paws McGraw anywhere near me - I must be trying too hard. Until next time!

Drink of the Day - Sobe flavored waters!

Green Thumbs!

It's been a long and interesting week in the wasteland.  I nice day of shopping for pirated CDs yesterday led to an enjoyable Saturday night and Sunday afternoon of entertainment.  Still moving my office to a new tent, preparing for some adventures at the FOBs this coming week and more of the Airforce unit we've been working with for the last six months continue to leave - we are now adapting to their replacements. My cold/flu is slowly going away and has left me so far, with no ability to taste my food - I can only sense the texture.  Yummy!  My brother sent me a great link for my fantasy football league which should even the proverbial playing field - one more thing to look forward to on Mondays now - the scores and hopefully my team kicking some booty!  AND - I finally may have some progress in my hunt for a new, more career oriented position. Oh, and I really miss my cats - pictured above enjoying my visit home by not paying any attention to me.

For months, the one constant and continual bitch and complaint I continue to have involves the sad fact that everything here is beige and there is no greenery to be found.  I oddly am now - this close - to hopefully acquiring a new position as a park planner in Kandahar City - kooky and weird, eh?  The new organization and I met yesterday and this is what they want me to do for them as an initial employment project.  Now I just wait to be contacted by corporate, work out the details and get my green thumb a-go-go in the most dangerous place in Afghanistan.  I am beyond excited and hope this happens quickly - Me - large and in charge of all things green!  I will keep you all posted as to the status of this shindig but it's really an unusual and unique project to say the least.  The concept of public space in Afghanistan has major issues in itself but then add the diminished role of women and the dominance of religion and it should be quite interesting in what we're able to create.  I will be working with the local government and community leaders to determine the ultimate objectives and amenities of the parks.  And that everyone, is all I know at this point.  Mom, before you freak out reading this, I think this work happens from smaller outposts and with a military partner - there's no way you would ever be tooling around outside the wire without a military escort.  OK everybody - Who Loves Trees?!  If not parks, then I think casinos and racetracks are warranted here - there's  a huge potential market for gambling and the climate reminds me of Las Vegas anyway.  Ponies!  Burlesque! Gaudiness!  This was a pic of a greenhouse these Afghan guys had on a FOB in Kandahar City - how prolific!

On a more serious note, I have been planning for a unit that hails from Ft. Campbell, Kentucky these past few months.  These poor guys are taking so many causalities that there is concern they won't be able to continue with their mission as a singular unit.  Just a few nights ago, the Taliban blew up a village in Kandahar City that they were passing through on a regular basis and killed and injured quite a large number of them.  These kinds of things are happening on a regular basis.  We meet and casually get to know many of these guys who end up being killed and injured - not the highlight of the day when that happens to say the least.  I have no idea how the US mission will change - if at all - in the near future, but to say I have strong feelings about the waste of life, resources and efforts would be putting it lightly.  I don't think leaving now or later really makes any difference as the end result will most likely be the same.  We won't be here long enough to affect the type of change that needs to happen for Afghanistan to reach a total and healthy independent and democratic state.  Maybe they just need parks, right?  Oh well, I will try to refocus my efforts in luring Quick Paws McGraw to my tent and leave the hard thinkin' to others.

I hope this internet connection situation keeps up.  Before I left I could never get enough bandwidth to post this blog.  Hope everyone had a great weekend and please enjoy an extra cocktail for me - very much missing those again.

Drink of the Night - Diet Coke for the day/ Hot Chai Tea for tonight!