Clenched!

Damn!  I've spent the last 7 or 8 days learning the ins and outs of my new position.  The job itself is pretty easily grasped, but the documentation and database are causing me to fight the urge to crawl into the fetal position and rock myself into a "happy place".  Just when I think it's coming together - BAM.BITCH.BOOM!  There's yet another piece of paper that needs to be hunted down and included - seriously - this is a war of paper over here ... a war on the trees.  My head is spinning, my jaws are clenched and I'm having an overwhelmed moment because of the redonkulous level of paper trails necessary to do anything.  That's because the audits are all-important and what 'merica needs to justify the continuation of all the good we are doing over here - yes, I am smirking as I typed that last sentence.  I'm in awe.

On a brighter note - there looks to be a change in the weather today and it's looking like a mighty large thunderstorm is moving in.  That's a cause for great excitement as it's basically Groundhog Day here - every day is the same ... sunny, dusty with changes only in the temperature.  So I guess the rainy season I've been hearing so much about - the one that causes floods and the baby-powder-fine dirt to turn into peanut butter cement - may have finally arrived.  As usual, I will be excited about this for around 2 days and then will quickly become bored with the whole thing.  I'm betting it won't even smell like rain, but rather more like wet, filthy mud ... and poo.  The air here always has the aroma of poo, if even just a hint, and not in the "farm" way we are familiar with - more like the "look what the homeless guy did on my steps" way that occasionally occurs back at the Hillbilly's place of residence.

I had an amazing and fascinating meeting this week with the 5 members of the team I now manage which is comprised of local Afghans.  2 speak English well and the other 3 need the conversations to be translated back and forth which makes for long meetings and meaningful looks and head-nods from me as I pretend to grasp the context of what's being said.  I asked the team about their backgrounds and that was quite interesting - 3 were past (and highly ranked) military commanders back from the Soviet era.  All of them have many years experience working with international aid organizations.  One of them is extremely handsome with a very compelling voice and unusually colored eyes - almost like tiger's eyes - and were hard not to stare at, which is something women should always avoid doing here.  Let's see - their initial interest in me was only to ask my age and how many children I had ... not much different that the days of Don Draper ... both of the numbers I provided were most likely disappointing - Age 4+, and 0 chill'uns.  Of course I included my professional background and my stint in the military which was met with a round of appreciative head nods - I think anyone here who knows how to kill things is always welcome at the table - the inside joke is that they have no idea what kind of mad-capped mayhem ensued during my stint in the military.  Interesting fact - they all love cookies and juice which I find hysterically funny for some reason - most likely because I'm seriously due a break from here.  Here are these tough, seasoned military veterans enjoying the hell out of cookies and juice.  Eventually they clearly understood my boss-likeness, especially when I was laying down the law about reimbursements and other loose money issues.  The oldest one was happy that a woman was part of the team - this was said after I picked up garbage at the end of the meeting - and my co-worker and I were laughing about them being so confused as to my role.  Hell, I'm confused about my role but it's certainly not cleaning up after the "meetings with the mens".

I would like to mention that I am slowly falling into very weird speech patterns and speaking habits that will probably be difficult to initially break when I finally return home.  Many of my co-workers speak English as a second, third or fourth language and much like my experience in Greece, an "s" is placed at the end of almost all words.  Something I no longer notice in my own speaking - writing correctly is easy, but speaking is more about what you become accustomed to hearing.  Spoken sentence construction is also different as are slang terms for common items.  I'm certainly not worried about losing my hillbilly accent, but am curious as how much of a newly minted American I will sound like when finally home.  The strangeness is that you just stop noticing ...  kooky...

I am trying to enjoy my last few days in my own private container with my own private bathroom - in sum, I am extremely clean and well-groomed as a result.  I need a cut of the hair - see what I mean about sentence construction? :) - and an amazing amount of red wine, red meat and fresh pasta ... bread, and some tapas plates in Spain ... and some heart-clogging butter and cream based dishes in France ... pints of beer ... the freedom to roam ... something to look at that's not a tent, metal container or camouflage motif ... and tons and tons of walking and exploring!!  February 10th is right around the corner.  Hope everyone is sufficiently enjoying Winter!

Drink of the Night - an Arnold Palmer drink mix in water - would be a John Daly if I had vodka...

Here's to 2011!

Well it's New Year's Eve here today - about 9 and a half hours ahead of the States.  I've showered, had some tea, Skyped, finished a good book and now settling in for the evening.  We have Fridays off and then Saturday due to the Holiday - something I never enjoyed with my other job as we worked all Holidays and just got paid for them.  It's been quite a year considering that on this date in 2009, Afghanistan wasn't even on my most remote of radars.  That's what I love about New Year's Eve - if you are open to new possibilities, you have no idea what the year will bring and it's always proven to bring something I never, ever expected.  Thankfully, I have a patient and understanding other half who really gets my need to wander not to mention my burgeoning addiction to experiencing and seeing new places and things.  The support makes it so much easier to be over here.  I'm also very grateful that my family and friends have made huge efforts to stay in touch on a regular basis, send plenty of goodies and therefore keep me very grounded and missing home - something I see as a barometer of good mental health.  Homesickness to me equates to still being tied to something and is a beneficial quality.  Too many people here are missing that because they've been doing this too long.

This coming year should be somewhat "normal" because I at least know where I will be ... I think.  I was just picked up for another year with my current company and will be working in Kandahar City from the base there.  Right now, we will largely be going back and forth, working much of our time there and then coming back to KAF for a few days every couple of weeks.  I like the new base and was even involved in planning it with my old job - weird - will have to share a container room with at least 1 other person.  The room also serves as our office and right now is cause for all of us assigned there to have to go back and forth, living from our suitcases as we are not provided with any permanent "home" - that sucks and will take some getting used to.  No place to place any personal items unless you want to haul them back and forth - we have 7 people assigned there with only 2 containers that sleep a max of 4 people each ... you see how much fun that will potentially be, but I very much like the team I am working with so I will be in good company.  I also have a 300 yard walk to the showers and bathrooms which is also less than desirable because I've spent most of the year with either my own bathroom (recently) or one I shared with 1 or 2 people.  But!  The base has a pool, is easily walkable and my container just needs some Hillbilly TLC and will be something to envy!  There are also tons of base kitties and a few dogs that wander around and let you hang with them and it's away from the big bosses which means a pretty relaxed environment.  I will adjust to the greatly decreased privacy and use of base shower and bathroom facilities ... at least I keep telling myself that, but it really is less than desirable.  However, no one can work the system in order to increase perks or living situations quite like the Wino! 

One of the base kitties who made himself at home on our security guy

Love these markets - I think this is where our food at the corporate compound originates - hygienic!

I think this was the bank building that was the victim of the explosions we saw - had driven past it that day

I am very happy about the new position.  I will be finished at the end of December 2011 and hopefully home in time to enjoy New Year's next year - which I hope will be in Vegas.  I will be managing a team of 5 local nationals who are actually implementing the work within the district I am assigned.  I have a weird, squatter district that needs an overhaul somethin' fierce - land clearance and allocation issues, infrastructure, schools, parks, economic development ... it really should be an interesting year and then I will finally return home and decide where I will be and what I will do next.  Hopefully something in a country that gives me more freedom to roam, is not such a violent shit-hole and is non-Muslim.  Or, something at home, but that doesn't seem too promising seeing that my field is based pretty much on development and growth and we aren't having much of that back in the US of A.  I have a year to think about it, so I'm not too concerned now.

As for Afghanistan... it's been pretty active over here with car and suicide bombings in combination with pretty regular rocket attacks.  I just found out that the one we had on Christmas killed a couple of people on base - way to ruin Christmas for those families for the rest of their lives. We had more attacks on base during the warmer months, but the fact that they are still doing it so frequently points to a change in strategy on their part - they usually pretty much close up shop and go back to their dirt hovels for the winter, but not this year.  Anyboom, I saw a huge explosion in the city while I was out in one of my parks doing a walking survey - really amazing to see from the hillside and it was a huge blast with an immense smoke cloud ...  We were all like, "what was that?" as you do while wondering in a park outside of any base when something explodes.  I'm irritated with myself because I had my camera in my hand to take pics of the project sites and could have snapped some great shots, but instead stood there with my pie hole hanging open, gawking at a large explosive plume of dirt. We had a rocket attack last night and totally expect one tonight for New Year's Eve - it's c-o-l-d out here at night and it's been taking up to an hour to give us an all clear before we can return to our rooms.  By then you are numb and wide awake.  I have a little sock and sandal combo going at night that never fails to entertain everyone else as "so American" - which I don't think is a compliment to my national heritage, but there's too much Hillbilly in the Wino to break old fashion statements!

I hope all of you have an excellent New Year's celebration and a happy and healthy 2011.  I have really appreciated the readership, comments and emails on and about this blog.  I hope to continue posting on a regular basis - I've been bad about regularity recently, but will be at a new base with plenty to observe and bitch about I'm sure, so things should pick up!

Drink of the Night - good and excellent news... it's red, not really allowed here and part of my namesake - Happy New Year to me!

Happy Festivus!

Ah, Christmas in the Afghan Wonderland!  After a Christmas Eve of Skype, contraband scotch and many games of iPad solitaire, the big day finally arrived.  I took a walk today down to the boardwalk to grab a pizza since they wouldn't allow lowly civilians into the DFAC for the Christmas meal.  I saw Santa riding around on top of an MWRAP (large military vehicle) and then on top of a tank down the road - I also heard that Santa was shelling the Taliban as well which kind of cracked me up thinking about it.  Seriously, they were apparently dressed in Santa hats while firing off mortar rounds.  Now that's the true meaning of Christmas.  Surreal but comforting.

Thankfully for Skype and Facebook, Christmas here has been somewhat bearable because I at least feel in touch.  I am very thankful for my own room, including my own bathroom, and a TV with real television broadcasts to get me through.  Oh, and books and the iPad - I would have gone nuts without the distractions.  Everyone is in a pretty good mood today and making the best of where we all are for the Holidays.  I would love to be home this year - my sister's kids are getting a puppy and it's an adorable GoldenDoodle ... I want one ... and am missing all the snow as well.  I keep myself busy by planning vacations which has become a weird hobby for me but damn if it doesn't take your head someplace good!

Tomorrow is back to work and Monday is another convoy to the park and afternoon strolls through both of them in Arghandab, topped off with a meeting of the minds with the military on how we will move forward with the projects planned.  I finally found a female local national who works for us - she was able to go down to the women's section of the park and ask them questions from my survey.  I secretly hope to make the parks as nice and accommodating as I can for these women - life here for them is complete shit for the most part and I like the thought of them safely enjoying something another woman helped improve for them.  It's all about the sisterhood!

One of the interesting aspects about working over here is that Afghans, much like most impoverished citizens, are unable to think about the group or the future and rather just about their immediate survival.  Makes sense. So many of the projects that are constructed end up totally scuttled after people sweep in and steal and dismantle the parts to sell or re-use.  It's frustrating, sad, but mostly understandable considering their situation over here.  We are trying to teach community leadership skills so they can affect their own change and work more effectively within the government (which is incredibly corrupt) - I think most of them are just as frustrated as we are will the state of affairs.

I very much cannot wait to get the hell out of here in February for a much needed jaunt through Europe - hopefully the time will fly until then.  Hope you all have/had a very special Christmas with your families and friends!  Oh nice - we just had a rocket attack - F-them for doing that on Christmas.

Drink of the Night - hot cocoa with a side of Jingle Bells.

Dusty Christmas!

I can't believe it's been so long since my last post!  I've been busy learning this new job, traveling for it and trying to figure out what comes next.  Now that I work regular hours (8 a day), live in a container apartment and on the non-explosion side of the base - not to mention, not under a rocket siren or at the end of the runway - life is seeming normal here and time is passing quickly.  I can even watch the BBC from my room and movies on India's HBO.  Very strange how incredibly different this new job is compared to the old one - living in a tent, working in a tent, sitting in a tent for 6, 12 hour days with bad internet and no TV signal - it's truly like night and day!  It's also making the passing of the Holidays in Afghanistan bearable I think.  I read, watch the tellie and work - the only thing missing is the evening wine and the ability to get out of here when I want.

The downside is that it gets to feeling so normal, that you forget you are in a war zone until something weird happens.  The road convoys are enjoyable to me now and I have to fight the urge to take a nap.  It's misplaced fearlessness - not out of any kind of courageous center, but just out of normalcy.  I've always thought is was strange what a person can get used to, but here it is and we all fight the boredom.  However, I was sitting outside last weekend at the base in Kandahar waiting to meet with the Mayor when we heard an explosion - it ended up being the bombing of the Afghan Police HQ that we had just driven past and hour earlier.  Apparently that was part of a whole series of attacks that weekend - those are the kind of gentle reminders of where I actually am.  I do think there's a tendency to become addicted to the adrenalin rushes you get over here and therefore become willing to push yourself further just for the jolt.  Luckily, the company I now work for has an excellent security team and they are very cautious, so we can't push ourselves like you tend to want to do.  How the Hillbilly loves a good rush of excitement!  That's really a stupid reaction to being here since the people who actually live here - in the middle of this s*&^ - risk there lives every day just walking down the street and trying to support themselves and their families.  I make more in 1 year than most of them will ever see in a lifetime, so I should simply be thankful I'm generally safe.

So, on the job front - this one officially ends in February.  I have already planned my next jaunt through Europe in the company of one of my favorite people in the universe.  Italy, Spain and France - woo hoo!  I've been asked if I would be interested in taking a position here in the Panjwaii District office that we are opening up in a couple of months, but nothing official.  I am looking for plan Bs just in case.  I think I could barely stand to be here one more year, and then will call it a day and look for something at home or in a country that's not at war, more interesting and allows freedom of movement.  Many people I know would be happy with that decision!  I'm not sure how I will ever be able to adjust to a normal working environment after this - can't even imagine it!

I hear there's snow, with some extra snow going on at home.  I hate that I'm missing it because I thrive on a good snow storm, love to drive in bad weather and find the city being closed down due to horrendous weather exhilarating!  Seriously.  Instead I'm here where its getting pretty cold, but with no snow.  My partner in crime is seriously missing my winter duties as well - I shovel the walks and steps and clean off and extract the cars when I'm at home - that is missed, but my trying to get the Jewbilee to walk through a storm to go to my favorite bar/restaurant for drinks and conversation isn't missed.  Just typing that made me homesick.

I hope all of you have an excellent Christmas with your families and friends!  I will be Skyping for mine which is almost as good as being there.  My 3 year old nephew was at my parent's house while we were Skyping and the minute I said hello to him from the computer he went screaming and running through the house - I almost collapsed laughing.  By the end of the convo, he was up in the screen jabbering like all of the Wino's relatives - when he ran out of things to say, he just spoke in tongues.  Interesting little fella.  Anynuttyfamily, enjoy the pre-Christmas week and I will post more often!

 I'm throwing in some Christmas picks of the Hillbilly's family to enjoy - we are very innovative with our cup holders, maternity wear and hair-dids!  Merry Christmas!

Drink of the night - tea...I.am.so.bored.with.tea.

A Walk in the Park

What a great day!  After being down for a few days thanks to a bout of some mysterious stomach issue - the night of Thanksgiving - I am finally back among the living.  Spent the day at the Arghandab District Center and the park next to it.  This is the second park in the district I will be redeveloping - very different than the first and it surrounds a historic shrine.  Also interesting to be in the District Center - the District Governor works out of there and the locals have access (after 3 checkpoints) - I've also read so many articles about the place that it made me quite curious.  Lots of things jumbled in there including a US military unit. The one thing that continually shocks me here involves the weird location of many of these bases - often located at the bottom or low points of hills.  Makes it so easy to see and shoot into them.

Case in point would be this picture of the Arghandab District Center I took from the public park next to it.  I wasn't even at the top of the hill either.  By the way, the hill to the top of the park was a real lung buster - especially with a plated, protective vest.  The guys were telling me great stories about sitting on the top of the 3 story building within the district center watching the bombing and fire fights all summer in Arghandab.  Must have been amazing at night.  Interesting place, but not sure I'd want to live there yet - only port-a-john toilets and showers every other day at this point.  But, the Wino must have been looking shiny and clean today as several young Afghan men made some suggestive gestures and commentary while I was there - none of which I understood (but my interpreters did and would not repeat it) and in the words of a very dear friend ... " I have shoes older than them"...  They must be starved for some cougar action!

So, this visit was incredibly interesting as was the fact that we were followed by a pack of very dirty, but sweet kids - one of whom had some kind of worm infestation eating the skin on his arm.  Everyone - and I mean every single one of us - was extremely upset that no medical care for the locals was being provided from the District - it is very common for the units living there to offer clinic days to the locals to treat minor to moderate medical issues - something they are in dire need of - I have never seen little kids with their skin being eaten off and it tears your heart out.  One of the security guys knew what it was and said the boy would lose his arm eventually if not treated.  They were also caked with filth, lice, etc.  Basically, many of them are very, very poor and have no place to play really but in poop and garbage filled fields - or just garbage dumps.  I could go on and on, but won't - it's just something I wish U.S. kids could see - especially their parents ... like the ones stampeding and pulling guns on each other at Walmarts on Black Friday. 

So much doesn't make sense to me here - this country has been at war so long that it's decimated the culture in many ways.  As we were stuck in traffic in Kandahar City, I watched some guy take a dump on the sidewalk - something that is a common occurrence here which strikes me as odd for several  reasons; 1. being that they have such strict modesty rules, 2. that many similar societies know the importance of segregating that kind of waste, 3. forget about three and 4. it ends up washing into their water sources.  Much of it simply ends up as part of the oppressive dust in the air which totally makes me want to bath in peroxide, but that's not really an option.  And here I thought only the bums in my neighborhood made poos on sidewalks and my deck steps!

Anypoo, the park foot patrol today rocked!  I had one of our local Afghan contractors meet me there because his family has used these parks for years.  He was able to point out how people use the park, problem areas and issues during the wet season.  While we were in the middle of the women's park, a few women I walked up to offered me tea and gestured for me to join them, but I couldn't communicate and none of the men could go near them.  I MUST find a female translator and that still most likely won't work because I can't go anywhere without security and they are men - the Afghans will be very upset if unrelated men are near the women on women's day.  I have not seen any kick-ass, female security teams so I guess I'm out of luck.  It was unbelievably frustrating because I really wanted to join them and being offered tea is a high honor here - I couldn't even explain why I had to decline.

 This Shrine was at the top of the park's hill - that lump of cloth is a grave - someone very important.  More graves inside what appears to be a pretty shaky structure, but was actually quite solid.  There were also chickens up there, cats and some birds in cages - unusual to say the least.  We most likely won't do anything with this area because of the burial site - unless the Mayor gives the OK.

 This was from the top looking down into the Arghandab District area.  This place was quite well maintained and irrigated so it was very green.  This was the safest side of the park as it faced the District Center.  The other side was sniper area so you had to move fast and couldn't hang around and gawk at the amazing view like a tourist.

 This is a conference center that was built in the park but now not really used because of security issues.  There are tons of pools and waterfalls that run through this in the summer season - must be quite stunning when all is in bloom and the water is flowing.

 The historic Shrine on the site - people sit around and picnic on these tiled areas.  The other side of the Shrine is the unsafe area.

 These two are part of the small posse of kids that followed us all day - really cute and they like pens, but really needed soap and some medical care.

 This is part of the broken playground equipment at the bottom of the park in the women's area.  Some Einstein placed this playground area right in the middle of where it floods because they didn't do their homework.  The Wino will be having the engineering team fix the drainage system so that the women and little ones can actually enjoy the place and not sit around in a mosquito embassy. So many projects here get funded and built without any real investigation of the area - so it's "look we made a playground" with no sustainability plan ... and then they end up like this.

Me and part of our security team which is comprised of both Afghans and the actual security company who train them.  The guy next to me is phenomenal and an excellent interpreter.  He's also quite funny.  He's helping me get my survey out to the locals - including all of the women in his family - he said they were very excited that anyone wanted their input and improvements will be made.  I hope they are made and I will try my best.  I finally meet the Mayor of Kandahar City on Wednesday and therefore actual can officially begin my project with him.  Heard he's an "interesting" guy and often beats the wee wee out of his subordinates - which apparently is quite common here ... and reminds me of the Mayor of Toledo who I had the most unfortunate experience of working for - thankfully not that long - total nut job and ass-hat.

I will end this post with a few comments regarding the television programming I am now enjoying.  Dolph Lundgren cannot act and has the presence of an animated cardboard cutout, Claude Van Dam's movies at least tried to have better developed plots (but LOTS of grunting and moaning - strange!) and anything David Hasselhoff was involved in will inevitably have some unnaturally endowed women running ... even if it doesn't make sense.  AND ... Indians worry about weight loss, baldness, bad breath and libido just like us!  They also run a series of commercials about the importance of being on time to work for the sake of the economy.  All of the programming except for the BBC originates from India ... my favorite are the Indian hip-hop commercials.  I am truly appreciating the oddness of this television experience and often cackle like a hag at the commercials - especially the ones that aren't in English.  I will also watch and read anything, so kudos to me!

Drink of the night - a sassy instant hot cocoa