The Monkey Ranch

Good Day!  Finally the internet god let me access this blog site again - it seems to allow me access 2 or 3 times a week - the remaining bandwidth for the week must be designated to others for communication with the big world out there.  I may have to move up to human sacrifices.  Busy week so far - busy - and I also had the good fortune to eat from an actual plate for the first time in months!  It's the little things, right?

So, this has been a week of planning - lots and lots of it, and with too much planning comes headaches, disorganization, too much talking, male posturing and adult-baby behavior in some instances.  The best part though, by far, have been some of the discussions regarding who we are ultimately planning for in the long run.  We are,  basically, in a Third World country trying to build and train a military and police force - however, we are attempting to do so with Western standards and expectations - I kid you not, this is like handing the keys to your brand new house to a gang of monkeys.  Much of what we plan will eventually be staffed and supported by the Afghan military and police forces so we try to take into consideration what we need versus what they can maintain.

Before I write the next couple of very derogatory and ethnocentric sentences, I do understand that lack of education and gaping cultural differences play a huge role in these situations - but they're still damn funny even considering that!!!  I think you could leave unsupervised, 15 year old boys alone for the weekend with better results.  The most common things - like using a toilet correctly, per the design - are impossible nuggets of information to impart to many of these guys.  They are literally taking large poos in the shower stalls, and breaking off the toilets at the base by standing on the seats to use them - apparently, they use something more "turkish" if at all (largely the great outdoors).  This standing results in a "painting" of the toilets or breaking them altogether.  How do you toilet train a nation???  Secondly, perfectly operating generators and electrical systems are something they can't resist - it's like a giant shiny penny and the minute we leave them alone with them, they are taking them apart and creating third-world wiring scenarios that shock, kill and maim them.  Finally, you can't build kitchens for them or construct anything of wood - they all eventually burn down.  Tents make them crazy and we actually have force retention issues if they have to live in them too long - I ask you, why then aren't we just building the mud hut villages they are accustomed to???  We are spending billions on infrastructure they can't even maintain or are willing to learn to use.  So, by and large, we are planning, designing and building these mini-bases that will eventually be left to the Afghans - complete with kitchens, electrical systems and latrines that they will burn down, electrocute themselves with and poop all over.  It's truly like a giant monkey ranch!!  I have never seen a group of people harder on equipment in my life - it's like an army of "Man-childs"!  And the conversations are always something like ... "nope, nope - you remember what happened last time ... they shot the toilet instead of flushing it ... "  or,  "they just crap right next to the port-a-john".   It's truly amazing and interesting - I still don't know yet what the best compromise will be, but I have a feeling we'll have ghost bases of modern, tattered facilities full of goats, kids and the Afghan Army.  There has to be a better way because the Afghans are a pretty ingenious people from what I can see - it's truly an example of the huge cultural divide.

Weeeellll,  hope you found this interesting!  I don't have the energy to pontificate on anything else tonight - I have to get up early and head out to a FOB tomorrow unless the dirt fog causes the flights to be cancelled again - seriously, it's creepy - brown fog with a layer of dirt floating in it.  Toby Keith will be here tomorrow night apparently and I will be sleeping either under the stars or in a shipping container converted to a sleeping berth!

Drink of the night - a hot, decaf tea with an actual lemon wedge I have been carrying in my pocket the entire day -