The Aura of Flora and Poo

Interesting week and finally settling in with somewhat of a routine.   My walk to and from work is just shy of two miles each way.  A very interesting walk too, I might add.  Where I live is in a much nicer area - Embassies, expat workers, the nice hotels - and where I work is in the Military neighborhood, which is full of regular people doing there thing.  The trek to work begins with an abundance of sidewalk infrastructure largely intact and a smattering of early morning tourist vendors - it ends in an area with gaping holes in the sidewalks, piles of trash, sand paths and colorful neighborhood street vendors.  The smells on the street are a combination of delicious and repugnant, but there's something about that contrast I find soothing - flowering trees, old fish, bread and pastries, human excrement, perfumes and colognes and gag inducing body odor - we have it all folks, and pretty much simultaneously!  I amazingly draw no attention to myself on these walks, often the only light skinned person on the street - I just look like another NGO hippy walking in flip flops with a back pack, off to "do good".  Within a week's time, I've pretty much figured out a few of the regular's schedules on my stroll as I'm sure they have mine.  For example, about 25 minutes into my walk, I will pass an albino teenager on her way to school, then my favorite fruit stand lady setting up shop, past the shoe shine guys, a horde of dirty people waiting to be picked up for day labor and then when I see the the same two vagrants getting a jump on the early morning trash picking I know I'm about five minutes from the office.  I don't even need a watch!

This week was curious as I worked with my team all week knowing that we were going to inform them that Friday of the office is closing in December.  They all suspected, but hearing it is another experience.  That went well and we let them go early.  I'm here for another 10 days then back to Pretoria for a few weeks until my return.  At this point, I'm not expecting any nasty surprises and we developed a construction schedule that's realistic.  I head to Gaza Province at the end of the month to participate in a few housing handovers and really get an idea of exactly what we are doing.  Some of the recipients live in small villages but others apparently live in extremely rural and difficult to access areas.  I was reading some of the stories about how their new homes have improved their lives ... they were full of comments like "... now we can see the snakes and rats on the cement floor which makes it easier to kill them and they can't hide in the dirt or thatched roof." My worst day at home, which might include finding a house spider in the tub, pales in comparison - however, I can relate on some levels after living in a rat/mice/fly/bird infested facility in Afghanistan for a few months.  Seeing and killing is very important and you haven't experienced life until a rat has run across your bare foot, found mice in the frig, snakes in your office and your living area is an after hours club for rodents (loved living in a tent).  I have a feeling that my living conditions in the Stan were still far, far superior to what I will witness in Gaza.

view from my office balcony

My walk to work - 5 more minutes!

no sidewalk here

walk near my house

the street I live on in Maputo

So, this weekend has been rather low-key.  I'm at the three week mark, but it feels like three months.  I'm a little homesick. Although technically I no longer have a physical home, I do have many of my favorite people located in one particular spot.  I have three more weeks until JM joins me here and I sincerely cannot wait and am unapologetically missing this particular person in a really bad way.  I do extremely well on my own, but I do have to admit to a certain amount of boredom after a bit.  I have no other expat workers here on this project either, so not many people yet to hang out with at this point.  Also, because I will be coming in and out on a semi-regular basis, that kind of dampens one's ability to join anything.  I have found some jazz and after-work happy hours that I will check out and they appear to be in the vicinity of my path home.  Note on that one - it gets dark pretty early here so I book out of work at a specific time so as not to be caught at dusk still in my work neighborhood - the Hillbilly senses that would not be a good idea and even the Wino side agrees.

I love the weekends here and walk for miles just checking things out, stopping at cafes and taking it all in.  On Saturdays, there is a wedding hall down the street and huge groups of people show up with their wedding parties to be married - tons of singing, dancing and fancy clothes or traditional wear.  It's become one of my favorite things to watch on Saturdays.  I will make sure to post some pics once I take them.  One of the only really irritating issues here are the street vendors - you cannot sit outside and enjoy yourself without an army of them walking by offering you every type of crap known to man - it ranges from food and electrical adapters (those were handy) to large ugly rugs, cameras and wooden bullshit.  No, I do not want to buy your friggin' marimba and standing in my face for 5 minutes speaking to me in a language I don't understand isn't going to change my mind.  That sounds so "get off my lawn" ... :)  Anyidontwantyourshit, for the most part it's OK, but every now and again it tends to work my last nerve.  Speaking of which, I have a sneaky guerrilla mozzie in my room that is literally biting the hell out of me - leaves dime size bites and I never see the evil thing.  I'm on malaria meds, but it still makes me nervous and you think I'd see something flying around that leaves bites that big.  I'm on a mission to kill it. dead.

This morning is starting off nicely - it's sunny, a nice temperature and my breakfast just arrived... brought to my room which is service deserving of the queen I am :)  I don't know why I'm up so early, but I'm going to stop asking myself that question.  I will go outside on the deck soon to enjoy the morning and the view ... with the four labs.  Might I add, none of which are fixed so they mark everything - if you happen to be sitting in the chair on not...  Hope you all had an enjoyable weekend and are readying for an excellent week!

Drink of the day: a champagne split and fresh juice - pinkies up!

Peri Peri, the condiment of champions!

Aye!  What a week this has been.  All was going well and then early in the week this position was almost eliminated due to a very real and also perceived issue with the type of Visa I have for working in Mozambique.  Hours/days of jaw clenching stress later - really, what would this type of work be without some kind of huge issue that results in jaw clenching stress - a very creative idea was proposed and alas, I was able to keep my job.  Basically, because of what I have been hired to do, the fact that I didn't have an official work permit was possibly going to result in me being deported or jailed.  All is right in the world now and it appears that I will be based in Pretoria, South Africa and travel to Maputo a few weeks each month.  Simples!  So here I am, in lovely Maputo until the end of the month.  I don't speak the language, so when people speak to me I have about as much comprehension as my cat when I speak to him - total oblivion ...  so I will be working on my Portuguese.

Maputo... let's see, I LOVE this place!  It's kind of crazy, tons of energy, excellent weather, vibrant street life and I happened to find a fabulous place to stay while here.  I'm actually living in some extra rooms in a house occupied by a really cool Indian/Portuguese couple.  They live upstairs and I'm downstairs - deck and pool level, overlooking the Indian Ocean.  I hang with their four labs - one of which leaves me blushing every time he gets up close and personal in a way that lifts one off their toes. I will be working on that, and after day 1 and being covered in hair and slobber, I am thankfully no longer the interesting shiny new penny.  The owner drove me all over to show me around and point out where to go, what to avoid and suggest some great trips.  Speaking of trips, he certainly is one and in the best way.  Has a really fantastic wife and two very cute kids, but certainly is missing his bachelor days - really fun guy and has been a very gracious host.  I enjoyed lunch with them the first day and tore into the best Indian meal I have ever consumed, courtesy of their live-in Indian chef. Had a  nice dinner and a few drinks out, then very early to bed as it was an extremely long day. They also have a pet bunny who roams the front yard on the street level.  One of the best things about this place is that I am not "checked-in" to any hotel with my passport, so I can be here in relative anonymity which further secures some of the issues that could arise with my work here.

the deck outside my rooms

view from my sleeping chamber :)

sunset

office/bar area that I have use of - my rooms are the sliding doors

view from my table the first night here

sunrise - I was up early

my walk back to my residence this afternoon

So, today I woke up to a beautiful sunrise over the ocean - from my bedroom - and strolled down the street to enjoy an evilly delicious Portuguese pastry and cappuccino. Wow, those are going to be dangerous.  Walked all over the main area where most of the cafes and restaurants are, hung out in the sun on the deck here at my abode, applied for a few jobs and then it was feeding time again.  I strolled down to another outside eatery and ordered a special burger and salad, but what I received what some chicken sandwich on a pineapple in a bun with a side of peri-peri sauce for which the Mozambicans are famous.  I slathered it on everything and it was delicious - also so damn hot that at one point I thought my mouth was going to try to run away from my face - perfect!!  So, three beers later - which were necessary to put the furnace out in my mouth - I was ready to stroll home.  Seriously, I can still feel that stuff and wonder if it will literally eat a hole right thru me, my moneymaker and any furniture I happen to by occupying at the time.  I plan to eat this at every opportunity - plus hot food helps to quell the nasties that may be inhabiting my food and can make one quite sick - I've had some questionable water sources, greens, etc. that made me take pause in reference to what may happen to the old GI system.  The Wino will keep you posted, because what would an adventure blog be without some detailed description of nasty intestinal issues.  I'm still hoping for the best though :)

Tonight I am going to experience Maputo nightlife courtesy of my host's wild friend Naby - the plan is food, drink, music, drink, food ... you get the picture and I hope the ol' Wino can hang - I'm not really worried about that actually.  It should be fun and also a great way to check things out in order to be better prepared to entertain myself.  Oh yes, I am here to actually work, so I will be in the office here Monday and that's when the fun begins.  Should be crazy, that's for sure.  I will complete the rest of this after my night out with Naby.

Oh my ... what a night and what a fun, fun guy - food, music, drink, music, drink ... home at 4:15am. You get the idea.  Met a ton of fun people - lots of other international workers here on contracts, etc.  So, in sum, it was really fun but I was totally gassed out all day today.
Tomorrow is the first day of work in the Mozambique office - should be interesting!

Drink of the night: Coke Light - my liver requested a well deserved break!

I am not your Mommi

Finally, the jet lag has subsided and I’m feeling like a normally functioning Wino.  Because of that normalcy, I’ve been out and about to explore my small area of safety all on my own.  Other than almost being hit by cars twice due to not being used to looking the opposite direction, things have been pretty interesting and uneventful.  I’ll either quickly learn to adjust to the change in which side of the street people drive, or I will most likely learn the hard way which is the less preferred method.

Other than sleeping for a copious amount of time this weekend, some frustrating Skype connection issues with my other half and the fact that it gets dark here at 5:30, things have been pretty normal and very similar to home.   There are some great outdoor cafes and restaurants, live music – including some of the best street musicians I have experienced in some time – and nice pricing here.  It’s much cheaper here than at home thanks to favorable exchange rates.  I have been making sure to enjoy this time, little stress and comforts of home because it appears that all of this may abruptly change once I step my little piggies into Mozambique.  Which, by all accounts, is much more chaotic and challenging than here.  I’ll keep you posted on that one. For sure the hotel where I’m booked there had some less than favorable reviews – the kind that make you dread your pending stay.  I hope to find an apartment as soon as possible!

So my hotel room faces the main street, which has resulted in some interesting nights.  No matter where you are, there will be drunks screaming and laughing at all hours of the night and for some reason, abrupt sing-alongs that break out at odd times.  I can’t say that I mind it because it’s new, but I could see how it would wear out its welcome if you were here for a much longer time.  The street people and beggars haven’t been an issue either because I don’t speak the language so I’m oddly spared the explanation of the need for my change – but they do call you “Mommi” here all the time – Ms. Scowby will have to fill me in on the meaning of that one.  To my knowledge, I haven’t birthed no babies, but I doubt seriously that’s what it means J Probably something more like %!#@& you white bitch.  Ignorance is bliss!

Today I went to the African outdoor market.  More really gifted musicians, but not too interesting of items except for the Batik cloth, but I decided to wait to purchase any of that.  Not much haggling either and anyone who knows the Hillbilly knows that I just love the art of crafting “the deal” but there wasn’t much budging so it wasn’t much fun.  Did acquire a shirt and skirt, but can’t say I was blowin’ em over with any huge savings – thankfully they were pretty affordable from the start.  Much of my wardrobe has been purchased on the street in other countries, so I plan on continuing that trend.  I will really be screwed if and when I ever obtain a normal office job as very little of it would fly in that environment.  I’ll make sure to be concerned about that later, but until then, I will continue to exist as the wild-mid-life-child that I am.  Oh yea, the good kind of wild J 

Musicians rocking their marimbas

I will close with a few observations – the continuous horn honking and whistling has at moments almost made me homicidal.  This is due to the mini buses that drive along honking while hoping to attract passengers by letting EVERYONE know they are coming.  The whistling is the result of informal parking attendants who stand in the street and guide people into empty spaces in hope of some spare change.  In general the people here are “big” – in all senses of the word – girth, height, big behinds – not necessarily fat, just big.  A co-worker told me that to be thin or too thin is not a sign of success and also makes people wonder what is wrong with you due to the AIDs epidemic.  That would not be a current concern with my appearance thanks to having sold all of my kitchen appliances five weeks before I left and having to eat out.  Trust me, the Wino has been eating lots of salads and healthy alternatives to recover from that dangerous moment in history!  Especially salads as I’m not sure how often I will be able to enjoy them while in Mozambique where I was cautioned against eating anything I couldn’t clean myself or that didn’t exist behind the safety of a peel.  Being that I will most likely be walking a mile or so each way to work, I would prefer to avoid any emergency gastro-intestinal issues during my stroll to and from.  So, I’ll heed those warnings. 

I hope everyone had an enjoyable 4^th – I heard it was a rainy one back at home.  I’m off to accomplish a bit of work at the local café.  So until next time!

Drink of the afternoon – a sassy, chilled chardonnay 

Hillbillies, Winos and the Dark Continent - oh my!

Where does the time go?  ... what a year.  This time last year I found myself in Dubai and readying myself for another trip to Afghanistan.  That adventure completed, I returned home and had a slew of life challenging events.  The kind of challenges that really change a person and now, having come out the other end of that shit-storm wormhole, I'm finally feeling like the new and improved version of myself those difficulties may have been intended to create.  So... it was time for a job and a new adrenaline packed adventure.  I was able to combine both in this new position.  After many close flirtations with employment on the home front, I reluctantly accepted a position overseas.  I now see that this was certainly the thing to do!  I write this from South Africa where I am enduring an orientation before I actually depart for Mozambique to rein in the madness, get things under control and then close down a decade plus program.  This has become the Wino's "thing" - cleaning up and closing down... and it's certainly not for the feint of heart.  I can sum up the myriad of reasons that many programs close in one word - fraud.  While I cannot name the organization I am performing my magic for, I will say there are a few employees awaiting my stewardship in Mozambique who will not be happy campers after I arrive.  That said, I'm ready to put some lipstick on this pig and combine as much fun and life experience as I can with the necessary grind of work duties!  It's Africa after all.

I'm into day three of work, the cruel mistress that is jet lag and being a punchy drunky from a horrifying lack of sleep.  The trip here was without incident except for a small delay into Atlanta that caused me to miss a greatly anticipated beer with my brother who also happened to be passing though.  While not able to upgrade to business class, the nearly 16 hour flight crammed into economy was endurable and without any major incidents, smelly seat mates or obnoxious children in my vicinity - so it was pretty damn good.  My arrival in Johannesburg also went smoothly and the nearly 45 minute trip to Pretoria was spent enjoying sunset and the smell of bonfire due to controlled grass burns that are apparently popular this time of year.  The hotel is nice, close to work and in an area that has been deemed "safe" by my coworkers.  Someone on my floor is smoking the bejesus out of weed so that wafts through the hallways in the evenings. Bars, restaurants, coffee shops and a nice amount a street activity thanks to the University have made lunch and early evenings pretty enjoyable - once I can stay up past 8pm I'll let you know about the night life!  Planning to hit some live music and open markets this weekend - all right around the corner. English is very popular here and the people extremely friendly so for now I'm meeting new people, getting settled in and preparing myself for Maputo at the end of next week.

View from hotel

Another view from my hotel room - Pretoria, SA

Mozambique is going to be quite an experience and one that I'm very much looking forward                                                                      to immersing myself.  I'll be alert by then as well and ready to knock this project out!  I still don't have an apartment there so I will be in a hotel for the time being until something satisfactory can be located - this might be tricky on an NGO budget in a city where the property prices are continually increasing thanks to the oil and gas industry. By mid-August the Wino's new "special friend" will be joining me for a few months to partake in an African adventure and a much needed break from the stresses of existing back home - we don't speak Portuguese, but what the hell, right?  The new friend was the one major bright spot in the past year, so I'm very much looking forward to having someone to share my experiences - especially this particular someone.  My coworkers seem to like Mozambique as a country, but are completely stressed out over the project.  This assignment appears to pale in comparison to the nightmare that I was involved in during my last trip to Afghanistan. While I know it will be tricky work, I am shockingly absent of any nervousness or anxiousness regarding what I am about to do - and that's such a great feeling.  Could it be that the knowledge of the distinct lack of explosions, gunfire and radical Muslims just may have calmed me the hell down?! Yep.

This is short and sweet, but what do you expect after a year of no blogging :)  Good things are on the horizon and I'm simply just looking forward to discovering them.  Thanks to Katie and family for taking on Django and Fat Kid Ninja during my departure and also to an excellent group of friends for your support and fun send-off. Cheers to Africa and the next six months.  Happy 4th everyone!!

Drink of the night - A South African Pinotage - delicious!

Apparently, I missed Afghanistan

Well guess what ... after almost 10 months, I'm finally doing something interesting enough to blog about. Since I last documented my adventures, I was in the Dominican Republic for four glorious months.  It was wonderful, I never wore shoes, spent my days on the beach, had some friends visit and became used to the enormous bugs and mosquito bites.  I finally returned home near Christmas Eve and surprised my family, resulting in a wonderful Christmas after I had missed two due to being away. Reintroduction to "home" was a bit strange and I spent many weeks just feeling disconnected because nothing was familiar in comparison to what I had experienced over the past two years.  That slowly ebbed and some semblance of normalcy finally settled in for me.  Now for the other parts...

Good-bye you evilly funny, wonderful woman!

So far, 2012 has been some type of Mayanesque apocalyptic bag-of-burning-shit-on-your-doorstep kind of year - you try to sort it out, but end up with hot poo on your shoes that you then track all over your proverbial house.  While in the Dominican, I was informed by an extremely close friend that she had pancreatic cancer.  There's really not much good to say about that as you are pretty sure what the ending to that movie will be, but have no idea how long it will take to get there.  In her case, six months.  Fortunately, I was home for the last four, spent some great time with her and was there, with her partner, as she moved on to her next big adventure.  It was incredibly sad, a huge loss and really changed my thinking about many, many of life's journeys and our purpose here while passing through - all for the better I might add, but I would have greatly preferred to cull the same information in a different manner.  Did make an excellent friend in her partner and realized that I was actually capable of showing a level of compassion that I usually kept well hidden.  So I can chalk through "watching your friend die" off my list of life experiences.

If you're in a relationship, leaving for two years - even with some fantastic vacations thrown in there - does not parlay into the best of outcomes when you return home.  We worked hard to salvage that well worn relationship, but there were too many loose strings in the sweater and the damn thing unraveled.  So after 9 years, that went kaput as well.  Welcome home!  You're life is now full of very tough lessons learned.  In addition to all of this, I was absolutely unable to find a professional job.  Oh yes, there were some flirtations with employment, but I felt a stinging suspicion that I was asked out on those dates just to question me about my old flame, Afghanistan.  That good for nothing bastard has, for the time being, ruined me for many employment opportunities stateside considering the current job market situation and the fact that my most recent skill sets don't obviously parlay into white bread work back in the U.S.  I, of course, think if you can get it done there then you can do anything at home, but it may take quite a time before someone recognizes those aspects in my resume. Anypoorme, these three themes for 2012 were really bringing me down ... and then the old boyfriend came knocking with an offer to come back for 90 days AND I JUMPED ON IT!  So now, I sit in Dubai typing the first of many new entries into my blog.


Although 2012 has had some intense challenges, there were some bright spots as well.  Other than spending time with my excellent and supportive family and friends I really have not accomplished too much in the form of entertainment since I have been home.  My biggest life commitment surrounded the acquisition of a small, furry devil who is named Django ... but just like all devils, he is known by many names - "Stink" (he is housetrained on a potty pad), "Nugget" (he's a nugget of all good things rolled into one), "Bo" (courtesy of my mother) and "Jingies" (that slipped out one night after too much wine, and it stuck).  To summarize... I love this puppy and he's helped me immensely in dealing with the challenges of 2012 - often he is one of them, but I don't care.  He's a positive force even if he often thinks his name is "G#* Dammit Django" - I had to leave him behind for the 3 months I am gone and was quite torn up about it.  I hope I don't return home to find him lounging on the kitchen counter tops like I did with the cats - my huge pet peeve, literally, but the counter lounging cats are going with the other due to the breakup.  I will miss them very much though and so will the dog since his life's ambition is to know where the cats are at all times.

Django Wolfgang aka Devil

...So, I'm currently in Dubai awaiting my flight in a few days to lovely Kabul.  To go along with the theme of "challenging" for 2012, my travels so far have been just that.  Everything is working out they way it should, but after an enormous amount of vein throbbing stress.  My 15 hour flight from Atlanta was delayed for 13 hours, requiring a hotel voucher, the purchase of an Atlanta T-shirt and shorts to sleep in, 2 hours of sleep and then back to the airport - the good news is that I had been able to upgrade to Business Class so I was pretty comfortable when we finally left the gate. 

View from plane approaching Dubai

Beautiful full moon the first night here

They had to change out an engine ... a bit of TMI if you ask me as I would have been satisfied with the normal "bathroom needs fixed" excuse we usually get.  I met up with another new hire on my project immediately after arriving in Dubai so that we could go and get our Afghan Visa's at the Afghan Embassy.  She had no problems but I, on the other hand, didn't have enough blank pages left in my passport to satisfy the Afghans ... so it went like this - cab to American Embassy, American Embassy only takes electronic appointments, cab back to hotel to make appointment, finally drop my bags in my room, appointment can't happen for 6 days, make appointment, inform my employer that I can't fly to Kabul the next day but rather the next week,  walk to the office (it looked much shorter on the map) in incredible heat, meet my Dubai office co-workers while covered in sweat and with no shower for almost 40 hours, walk back, collapse in bed, wake up 3 hours later not knowing where I am, at last a hot shower, 3 glasses of wine courtesy of my purchase at Duty Free, a sleep aid, wake up next morning at 3am and in the gym by 5am... 

Today I worked from the office and laughed out loud when several people I met the other day didn't recognize me - I suppose I clean up well!  Today ended with a flurry of similar hand clenching experiences while trying to figure out how to get my cash advance wired to my bank - 3 cab rides and 3 stops later, I finally end up at an Exchange in the Wafi Mall, mission accomplished, and I ended my frustrating experience with this:

Glass of wine at Raffles Hotel Lobby Bar

Delicious!  In Dubai, if you don't buy your alcohol at the Duty Free store at the airport, your only options are to drink in hotel bars.  The hotel I'm in does not have a bar, so I literally wander around the desert until I hit the next hotel.  They are close, but so huge that the walk is further than you would anticipate.  So, Friday and Saturday nobody works here - that equals two days off while being paid to wait to fly to Kabul - not bad!  I'm planning to hit the gym and then lounge in the pool for the afternoon.  It's actually as hot at home as it is here ... and that's sad for you guys, because it's incredibly hot here.

Before I sign off, I must share that I stepped away from the computer to storm out of my room in order to flash some stink eye to the Arabs standing in the hall talking at extremely loud decibel levels ... only to find nobody was there and it's actually the ass-munches in the room next to me.  I can hear them through the connecting door and the one is a chatty obnoxious a-hole.  Now I don't feel bad about my alarm going off for an hour in my room while I was at the gym early this morning...

Hope everyone had an fun-filled July 4th!

Drink of the night - back to good ol' Chai Spiced Tea