I want my clothes, Mao!

Hello all - I am sitting in my Afghan condo waiting for the base operations people to come and "count" me and also hopefully simultaneously delaying the future homicide charges I'm going to earn if I don't get out of here soon.  I'm starving and had to be here at a certain time so I couldn't wait another 45 minutes in line to get lunch.  There are so many people here that you can't even get in to eat without an hour wait at least.  I have already spent 2 hours this morning standing in line at the post office so that I could send my loved ones the junk that I carefully selected and price-negotiated for them at the local bazaar - while there, I was only asked 14 times if I wanted to buy a watch or jewelry.  I hope you like your things!

 The Eastern European's are causing my forehead vein to bulge as well - they informed me today - (after promising when I dropped off clothes Sunday that they would be ready) - that they are behind 2 days with laundry.  I am in need of mine because I am supposed to leave very soon.  I can't really depart without my boulder holders and other assorted items.  I was offered the opportunity to walk a mile down the road to the main laundry to retrieve 2 bags of dirty clothes to carry back, but with no guarantee they can locate them.  The planets must be misaligned.  Is the war going to pause because nobody has uniforms to wear?  The Taliban fight in their underwear, so when in Rome - we might as well too.  In my case, I suppose I can plan bases while "commando" but I'd prefer not to do so - I like the extra layer of protection. By the way, I saw some guy on a skateboard here today - WTF?  This is truly surreal. I may have to take my malaria medication early, just to get through the next couple of days.

It's actually really interesting to see the repercussions of the surge overcrowding - it's getting hard to catch flights out of here as well because there are too many people here now.  Some good planning lessons here - I shouldn't complain because at least I'm not in Haiti.  The powers that be are sending out notices that they will be continuously burning garbage for the next 30 days because there's too much of it - this is in addition to the extra-rank bathrooms that are filling up too quickly for the regular cleaning and pump-out schedule - sounds like some somebodies didn't think the troop surge through very thoroughly (to be said aloud, in your best sing-song voice) ... You can go ahead and imagine me passed out on the road, face down in my dirty laundry as a result of being weak with hunger and overcome by burn pit and latrine fumes - the drama of it all! Whatever shall I do - wherever shall I go?

On to other, and more positive things - (this week in Bagram is turning my disposition nasty) - I finally am the proud owner of the 100 year commemorative, Chairman Mao birthday pocket watch!  The little bathroom guy came through for me.  And, as I'm now apt to do, I took a picture of it!

His evil little dictator arm waves back and forth in time with the second hand! Looking at his smiling and benevolent expression on the watch face makes you think this guy was as gentle as a kitten, doesn't it?  He didn't really sentence people to death, but rather to be licked by puppies.  So Mao, I get to come up with all kinds of phrases that incorporate our dear Chairman's name - like, I just did.  Please feel free to send me your best Mao-incorporated statements - but I'm warning you, I already have a cat named Chairman Me-ow, so I'm a little ahead of the game.  Remember - "kill one and send a message to a thousand" - that Mao ... what a knucklehead!

Well I've got to wrap up Mao and get to the friggin' laundry compound.  I think my travel has been delayed again, but I think waiting in line for hours to wash my own clothes - just in case - sounds like fun.  I hope those of you with little ones have all your Easter candy ready for the big day - complete with baby powder to make the bunny tracks!  Mind that you don't let the little ones get too carried away lest they create a mini Jihad in their short pants!  The rebellion of the bowels ... I am sad about missing the Easter meal at home with my family, but I'm here planning the universe and those things can't wait.  I will have Mao tic-toc'ing in my pocket to remind me to enjoy the little things ....little Mao...

Drink of the afternoon - the Mao-tini, chilled, with a whisper of contempt

Happy Birthday Mike K!